Funny quotes for friends.
😄Experience is what you have 👉 after you've forgotten her name. 🔰 Milton Berle
😄You can lead a man to Congress, 👉but you can't make him think. 🔰 Milton Berle
😄I found there was only one way to👉 look thin: hang out with fat people. 🔰 Rodney Dangerfield
😄I buy expensive suits. They just look👉 cheap on me. 🔰 Warren Buffett
😄Why do they call it rush hour when👉 nothing moves? 🔰 Robin Williams
Funny quotes for girls.
😄If it's the Psychic Network why do 👉they need a phone number? 🔰 Robin Williams
😄Say what you will about the ten commandments, 👉you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. 🔰 H. L. Mencken
😄It is even harder for the average ape to believe that👉 he has descended from man. 🔰 H. L. Mencken
😄I wear a necklace, cause I 👉 wanna know when I'm upside down. 🔰 Mitch Hedberg
😄Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who👉 would want to live in an institution? 🔰 H. L. Mencken
Funny quotes about life.
😄My fake plants died because I 👉did not pretend to water them. 🔰 Mitch Hedberg
Anyone who says he 👉 can see through women is missing a lot. 🔰 Groucho Marx
😄A child of five would understand this. 👉Send someone to fetch a child of five. 🔰 Groucho Marx
😄Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, 👉your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. 🔰 George Carlin
😄Electricity is really just organized lightning. 🔰 George Carlin
😄May the forces of evil 👉become confused on the way to your house. 🔰 George Carlin
Funny quotes by famous people.
😄I never expected to see the day 👉when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do. 🔰 Will Rogers
😄I am not a member of any organized 👉political party. I am a Democrat. 🔰 Will Rogers
😄A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. 🔰 George Bernard Shaw
😄One picture is worth 1,000 denials. 🔰 Ronald Reagan
😄Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement. 🔰 Ronald Reagan
😄It takes considerable knowledge just👉 to realize the extent of your own ignorance. 🔰 Thomas Sowell
Funny quotes dedicated to friends.
😄I can resist everything 👉except temptation. 🔰 Oscar Wilde
😄If I were two-faced, would👉 I be wearing this one? 🔰 Abraham Lincoln
😄Wine is constant proof that 👉God loves us and loves to👉 see us happy. 🔰 Benjamin Franklin
😄If I knew for a certainty that a 👉man was coming to my house with the 👉conscious design of doing me good, I should run for my life. 🔰 Henry David Thoreau
😄The reports of my👉 death have been greatly exaggerated. 🔰 Mark Twain
Funny quotes for a best friend birthday.
😄How long was I in the👉 army? Five-foot eleven. 🔰 Spike Milligan
😄Food is an important 👉 part of a balanced diet. 🔰 Fran Lebowitz
😄The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his 👉 income tax return. It's the zero 👉 adjust on his bathroom scale. 🔰 Arthur C. Clarke
😄All right everyone, line up alphabetically 👉 according to your height. 🔰 Casey Stengel
😄I always wanted to be somebody,👉 but now I realize I should have been more specific. 🔰 Lily Tomlin
😄When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say. 🔰 Henny Youngman
😄I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. 🔰 Rodney Dangerfield
😄If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days. 🔰 Robin Williams
😄If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. 🔰 Abraham Lincoln
😄Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. 🔰 Mae West
Funny quotes Goodreads.
😄Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum. 🔰 P. G. Wodehouse
😄I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends. 🔰 Walt Whitman
😄If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month. 🔰 Theodore Roosevelt
😄Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. 🔰 Mark Twain
😄I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. 🔰 Winston Churchill
😄When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. 🔰 Albert Einstein
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